Baby’s 1st Holiday Season - Don’ts and Do’s
Every year winds down with the “Holiday Season” that runs from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day. Many different religious and cultural traditions celebrate significant holidays during this 6-week timeframe, and even the most secular of folks tend to take advantage of school closings and time off from work to plan family get togethers.
These family gatherings can be stressful enough in normal times, but having a brand new Baby in your life can really turn up the pressure for you. And even more so for new Mamas who have their own uniquely challenging circumstances to navigate here in play as well. What follows below are some simple “Do’s and Don’ts” that should help you and your family have smoother adventures this year’s Holiday Season and head into 2023 feeling great about it all.
1) DON’T assume that things are going to be “pretty much the same as always, but just add a Baby in there too.”
DO understand that your new Baby is going to be star of the show. Their feeding and napping needs are also going to have to come first, which will absolutely limit you and Mama’s ability to participate in all the usual activities. Is anything in your life “pretty much the same” with Baby in the mix? Right. Holidays are no exception.
2) DON’T assume you and Mama are on the same page about things like the timing, duration, or itinerary for hosting or visiting. All these things have probably changed with Baby’s arrival, especially for Mama.
DO sit down with Mama and have clear and intentional conversations where you can discuss any and all topics related to the upcoming visits. What is she anxiously anticipating? What is she feeling really good about? What are her expectations or hopes for these visits? What are yours? Are there some simple strategies you can work on together to increase the odds of a “successful visit,” however you want to define it? Where does she foresee needing more help from you, and how best can she indicate to you when she’s struggling? My Code Words are a good thing to brush up on here as they can be really helpful in a pinch.
3) DON’T leave it up to Mama to manage Baby mostly on her own when visiting or hosting friends and family.
DO approach co-parenting as a full team effort. Pitch in on as much of the non-breastfeeding items as much as possible. Lead by example, and do *more* than “your share” when opportunities arise. You’ll get a lot of street credit, and home credit from Mama, by stepping up and stepping in, early and often, during these visits.
4) DON’T be vague about gifts and gifting for Baby. “Whatever you think is good will be just fine” is not a good plan.
DO update your Baby Registry with any and everything that you have your eye on, especially now Baby is here in the flesh and your ideas of what might be *actually* helpful have more clarity. Some popular items from my Top 10 gifts for new Dads include the Tummy Tub, The Shusher, and Frida Baby everything! Simply send the update registry when people ask, and be sure to communicate any hard “No” categories, like things with batteries or plastic or whatever.
5) DON’T plan on you and Mama having to simply “suck it up” and go with the flow of family expectations and traditions.
DO understand that “blaming Baby” is 100% OK right now (and is in fact highly encouraged) as your go to excuse for leaving early, taking a break, or simply not going at all to any events that seem to cause more drama than joy. Also, you and Mama and Baby are now your own family unit and are fully entitled to opt of out of your family-of-origin expectations and to start your own traditions and rituals. These can be tricky waters to navigate, but the peace of mind that follows can be priceless.
The Holiday Season needn’t be any more complicated or annoying than you allow it to be for yourself and your family. Please take this year’s new Baby arrival as an opportunity to consciously reflect on your and Mama’s deeply shared values. Explore how to best to put those values in action by building your own traditions and rituals while also honoring and celebrating those of your close friends and family.
My experiences here have shown me that our friends and family can more easily accept us on our own terms when we can politely and respectfully honor them on theirs - while also maintaining clear boundaries as needed. A little friction might be experienced, but that’s all part of the never-ending learning curve of parenthood, right?
