Big Idea #3 – Dude Zone, Dad Zone, and Dud Zones

The journey to Dad Zone Thriving is super challenging. That’s why my custom coaching arcs are there to help you get there as smoothly as possible. If you want to skip all the drama, then head right over to my coaching page to learn more. If you’re curious to know what drama you can skip, let’s talk about the Dude Zone, Dad Zone, and Dud Zones.

Up until you find out that you and your partner are going to have a baby you are probably spending a good amount of time hanging out in what I call the Dude Zone. While your relationship with Mama and your job are likely your top two priorities, you also have a bunch of other ones that follow closely behind them. Maybe it’s your Fantasy Football league and Friday night darts at the pub with your buddies. Maybe it’s online gaming or poker. Maybe it’s tinkering with your bike and riding the trails. But it doesn’t really matter what it is, it only matters that it’s your thing that you like to spend your time, energy, and/or money on and it doesn’t involve your job or relationship. All of this is the Dude Zone, and it’s good to have a vibrant and healthy life inside of it. Until you find out that you have a baby on the way… Then it’s time to step up out of the Dude Zone and head towards the Dad Zone.

Making your way to the Dad Zone and earning your official Dad Card isn’t a simple, one-time action. The path to the Dad Zone is an ever-evolving series of charges and challenges, with many twists and turns. There’s no yellow brick road to find and follow here either, nicely laid out in front of you leading you to success. However, a path does exist ahead for you that is uniquely yours and for you alone to find. There will be a lot of trial and error and bobbing and weaving as you work your way onward and upward to the Dad Zone. As long as you try to stay connected to the bigger picture and do some of the actions discussed in this book to up your Dad Card credits as you go along, then you should succeed. And fortunately for you, I’ll also tell you about the two outer boundaries along this course to help you know when you are going astray into danger and to keep you moving in the right direction. These nether regions are called the Dud Zones. 

The Dud Zone on the left is Wimpytown. A variety of dudes hang out here but the theme that unites them is that they have all sort of given up on figuring this whole Dad thing out on their own. They sincerely want to be helpful and supportive, but defeatedly just wait around for their women to tell them exactly what to do and how to do it. Their internal fire is pretty dim, and they all seem somewhat slouched over and downtrodden. Common phrases heard here include “just tell me what to do,” and “I don’t have an opinion on it, get whatever you want, dear,” and “I don’t know, just do it however you like.” Many of these guys are seen just stumbling around and muttering “be helpful and supportive, be helpful and supportive,” as if they were a bunch of malfunctioning service droids needing to be reprogrammed. They’ve taken the ideal of selflessness to its terrible extreme, unknowingly ending up almost completely unhelpful and unsupportive as a result. Pause for a second, do you really think Mama wants a “partner” that she has to constantly kick in the ass and give specific directions to about everything? Nope. If you catch yourself looking or sounding too much like them, much too often, then reverse your engines and get out of there quick! 

The Dud Zone on the right is called Jerkville, and also has an interesting mix of guys hanging around. The common theme that unites them is that they seem overly determined to “stay true to themselves,” and “keeping their Man Card,” and often appear to be angry and defiant. They’ll say things like “well, you’re the pregnant one, not me,” and “Ugh, I’m not driving all the way across town to get you a smoothie,” and “I saw a pregnant zebra fight off two lions on TV last night, surely you can manage to carry a laundry basket up the stairs.” These guys have taken the ideal of self-sufficient to the extreme. “You do you, and I’ll do me.” Again, pause for a second and ask yourself if you think Mama really wants a “partner” that she has to cajole and convince for every single thing? If these characteristics start to routinely manifest in you, then bust a U-turn on the double and head back the other way toward higher ground. 

You may find yourself rapidly ricocheting between these two outer Dud Zones from time to time as you struggle to maintain some balance in the middle ground between them or higher ground beyond them. That’s absolutely expected, and not just earlier on in the pregnancy, but all throughout the journey as things change and develop. In spite of my best intentions and efforts, I personally spent A LOT of time in these Dud Zones during our first pregnancy. Often, I felt totally disoriented, as if I had one foot in Jerkville and the other in Wimpytown, and I’m certain I said “Either just tell me what you want me to do, or do it yourself” on more than one occasion as my frustrations with trying to find the Dad Zone options boiled over. 

These Dud Zone pit stops are pretty common occurrences for the average guy on his way to the Dad Zone, so expect to have your own struggles here. It’s tricky trying to better connect with Mama in helpful and supportive ways while also staying true to your own journey and priorities here. But as long as you keep one eye focused on Mama and her journey and the other one locked on you and yours then you will have nothing to fear, my friend. As the weeks and months go by, you will notice the progress you’ve made up the hill and further into the Dad Zone. And with WTF as your trusted guide, you will get better connected to Mama along the way and better prepared for the challenges ahead.