Bouncing Forward
“When are things going to go back to the way they were before Baby?”
Well, I hate to break it to you, but the short answer is simply “Never.” Time stands still for no man, and definitely not for men who have just landed on the shores of Fatherhood. No amount of peering into the mists will reveal a ship coming to take you back to the Dude Zone, and no amount of whining about it gets you to Dad Zone Thriving.
So now what? How to move further forward into the Dad Zone when so much of your identity seems left behind in the Dude Zone? And what about your relationship with Mama? You went from All Star starter to second string back-up behind 10lbs of eat, sleep, poop, repeat newborn Baby. From co-pilot to third wheel, from main squeeze to “honey, please...” These are tough times indeed, my friend! What does hope for the future look like once you realize there is no going back?
A phrase I most often use here is “Since there’s no bouncing back, let’s find a way to bounce forward.” I like the simple clarity of the first part of the phrase in that it 100% confirms your suspicions around the impossibility of reconnecting to the way things were. However, I really appreciate the 2nd half in that it lights up the path ahead and can energize those guys that are still feeling a bit of drag or resistance or even stuck-ness in that space that emerges after they have finally let go of “the way things were.”
Bouncing forward opens up new possibilities, and orients Dads to all the awesomeness that awaits them once they hit their stride heading towards Dad Zone Thriving. And to be clear, this bounce forward doesn’t mean entirely disconnecting from your pre-Baby life, it just frees up a ton of energy for reinventing yourself through identifying some key parts of your Dude Zone lifestyle and recombining them with all the important components of your new family priorities.
Done well, you combine the essential parts of taking care yourself with the essential parts of taking care of your family while leaving plenty of space for improving both of these as time goes on. This is the land of Dad Zone Thriving, and bouncing forward is the way to get there.
