Build those Bridges!
No matter where you are in the Dude Zone to Dad Zone journey there are always simple things you can do TODAY to get more win-wins going for you and Mama. One of the easiest of these is to invest some time and effort in consciously finding ways to connect with Mama on her journey, and help her to connect with yours, by building bridges across the gaps between them. This bridge building concept is central to some of the other tools I talk about, and is in fact the actual “bridge” between your Sacred Individuality and achieving a truly functional sense of Teamwork.
Let’s start with a quick reminder from the Sacred Individuality Baby Talk Podcast episode mentioned above. Part of your journey into the Dad Zone involves you intentionally connecting to the core aspects of your identity and really anchoring more deeply into them. What are the things that make you “you,” and can often be identified by where you spend your time, money, and energy (TME) outside of your job and relationship with Mama?
I recommend that you consciously identify and acknowledge these passions, hobbies, and interests and the important roles they play in your life for several reasons, but perhaps most relevant to this article is the idea that strong foundations are required to build strong bridges. So deepening and strengthening your “foundational” core identity components now is a good investment in your longer term relationship and the bridges that sustain it.
From this place of more deeply anchored individuality you are now better positioned to reach out and connect with Mama in a genuinely “helpful and supportive” manner. You are also much better protected from falling off the path of Dad Zone Thriving into the Dud Zones of Wimpytown (no anchor to self) or Jerkville (only anchored to self).
One way of reaching out is through expressions of appreciation that come from cultivation of an attitude of gratitude, the topic I covered last week.
Another good option is to simply initiate conversations geared towards your future family life together with Baby. This approach helps Mama orient to you, her, and Baby all together in a positive light and tone, something that can be a powerful antidote to the anxiety and worries that many expectant Mamas momentarily experience throughout the pregnancy and postpartum for all kinds of reasons.
However, and this is keeping it 100% real, YOU and your awareness of the future with Baby (or specifically, your LACK of this awareness), can often be a big source of Mama’s worry and anxiety. So your efforts in reaching out to connect with her specifically on the topic of Baby and your collective future can go a long way in your bridge building endeavors.
Once you’ve initiated contact with Mama and her journey, and shown up in a way that is genuinely “helpful and supportive,” the final step is to make a point to invite her into connecting with you and your journey. This is a great place to lean into any uncertainty or anxiety you may be feeling about Fatherhood, or otherwise show up from a place of vulnerability and openness.
Obviously, you don’t want to overwhelm her with worry or otherwise negate your win from connecting with her just a moment ago, but giving her a chance to see a little bit of rawness, your genuine heart energy, or any other deeper feelings around your experiences and journey can go a long way in helping her connect her side of the bridge to yours.
Parenthood is hard work, and the strength of your relationship with Mama is what you are both going to be heavily relying upon as that journey commences. Investing in it with intention and attention by building bridges TODAY is the best plan to strengthen that relationship for what tomorrow brings.
