Welcome To Fatherhood welcomes you into 2023!

New video: Dad Tip #6 - Dude, Take a Birth Class!

Baby Talk featured episode: Perinatal Mental Health & Postpartum Thriving

Dad Zone Thriving Mapping sessions for Dads

WTF featured Blog - The 5-Minute Recharge

Nest Birth Class starts next week - sign up now!

One-on-One Dad Coaching now available

Bulk order discounts

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What follows below are some simple “Do’s and Don’ts” that should help you and your family have smoother adventures this year’s Holiday Season and head into 2023 feeling great about it all.

New Dad life can be a constant carousel of commitments and demands on your time, energy, and efforts. The ride speeds up and the challenges compound when you factor in work responsibilities and social obligations with friends and/or extended family. How are you supposed to get to Dad Zone Thriving when you feel lost and overwhelmed by the challenges of Dad Zone Surviving?

One of the most common topics that come up for new Dads is the subject of intimacy in Postpartum, both in my monthly Dad Group and in my one-on-one Coaching. And to be clear, I certainly mean sex here, but I first want to explicitly focus on how emotional intimacy is in play as well. In fact, the emotional intimacy is the much more significant of the two, especially in the chaos of 4th Trimester challenges.

“When are things going to go back to the way they were before Baby?”

Well, I hate to break it to you, but the short answer is simply “Never.” Time stands still for no man, and definitely not for men who have just landed on the shores of Fatherhood. No amount of peering into the mists will reveal a ship coming to take you back to the Dude Zone, and no amount of whining about it gets you to Dad Zone Thriving.

No matter where you are in the Dude Zone to Dad Zone journey there are always simple things you can do TODAY to get more win-wins going for you and Mama. One of the easiest of these is to invest some time and effort in consciously finding ways to connect with Mama on her journey, and her to connect with yours, by building bridges across the gaps between them.

One of the core tenets of my various writings, teachings, and podcasting work is the importance of cultivating and strengthening the bonds of connection between you and Mama. And developing an Attitude of Gratitude is perhaps the most potent skill you can learn to help you in your efforts.

So much going on!

Doula support video from new WTF course

Baby Talk Season 2 - Bettering the Birth Space

Dad Zone Thriving Mapping sessions for Dads

New Nest classes and subscriptions

One-on-One Coaching now available

Bulk order discounts

Want to Collaborate?

When speaking to new Dads I always recommend a “just do it all” approach when it comes to connecting and bonding with Baby. Skin-to-skin, frequent holding and soothing, babywearing as much as possible – all the things. I remind them (and Mama!) that the more they establish themselves as Primary Caretaker as well, the easier things will be for everybody as days turn into weeks into months.

Many new Dads do a pretty good job of figuring out the Dad Zone and everything else that comes with their new membership in the Fatherhood club. Adjusting back to work, doing extra stuff around the house, and getting the hang of diapers, swaddling, and other new Baby basics all have their own learning curves, but most Dads find ways to make it all work in the first few months after Baby arrives. However, one of the biggest challenges that many new Dads face continues to evolve over this time, new Dads almost always feel powerless when trying to figure out how to help with this one.

I’ve been getting quite a few questions these days coming from all directions about how best to support birthing families in these weird Covid times where all the birthing options seem to come with changing conditions and shifting protocols. In some parts of the country birthing facilities are wide open and are allowing the usual friends, family, and birth team into the delivery room with Mama. Yet in others it’s just Dad and one other person. And in others still it’s down to only one support person total!

What's new at WTF?

Guest Blog for doulas

December podcast spotlight

Nest Birth & Postpartum class dates

BabyTalk podcast coming next month

One-on-One Coaching now available

Bulk order discounts

Enter to win a Scholarship for one of your clients

This is pretty much my strongest recommendation in my whole book. No “maybe think about…”, no “you should consider…,” no “be open to…”. Simply put, just do it. Trust me on this one.

But wait, what’s a Doula, and why should I hire one? First things first…

Lots of new happenings here at WTF!

• Audiobook is now available on Audible

• Bulk order discounts for birth workers

• Paperback/Kindle edition is new and improved

• Online Video Course is in the works

• Enter to win a Scholarship for one of your clients

• New Postpartum Class with The Nest

• Fall Podcast Spotlight

Assuming that you are a Dad-to-be with a pregnant Mom-to-be in your life, let’s get right to the main issue that impacts every couple’s pregnancy journey from Day 1 onward. This issue is fundamental to the situation and is not changeable in any way shape or form. 

She is pregnant, and you are not. 

While this may seem obvious, and will only become more obvious as the months go by and her belly gets bigger, the powerful and significant implications of this reality gap between you two are not obvious at all.

The journey to Dad Zone Thriving is super challenging. That’s why my custom coaching arcs are there to help you get there as smoothly as possible. If you want to skip all the drama, then head right over to my coaching page to learn more. If you’re curious to know what drama you can skip, let’s talk about Dude Zones and Dud Zones.

Up until you find out that you and your partner are going to have a baby you are probably spending a good amount of time hanging out in what I call the Dude Zone. While your relationship with Mama and your job are likely your top two priorities, you also have a bunch of other ones that follow closely behind them. It doesn’t really matter what it is, it only matters that it’s your thing that you like to spend your time, energy, and/or money on and it doesn’t involve your job or relationship. All of this is the Dude Zone, and it’s good to have a vibrant and healthy life inside of it. Until you find out that you have a baby on the way… Then it’s time to step up out of the Dude Zone and head towards the Dad Zone.

This is a big one. Better connect with her by getting on track with the progress of the pregnancy and in sync with what’s happening with the baby right away. I earlier mentioned that one of the things that will come out of the first Midwife or OB appointment is a good grasp age of the pregnancy in weeks. Even if you are certain of the exact date that you kicked off this pregnancy, they will still do some funny math and calculations based on previous period times and whatnot, so don’t get too bogged down by this aspect. The takeaway is that ALL pregnancies are tracked in weeks, not months! Everybody in the know will ALWAYS talk about pregnancies in weeks.

Pause for a minute and consider – how often have you seen a men’s synchronized swimming competition? How about all male dance teams? Never? Why do you think that is the case? In our current culture many women’s basic understanding of teamwork is something like “let’s do this thing over here together, you know, like a team!” And this is obviously a perfectly true and reasonable understanding of teamwork, which we’ll refer to from now on as “team up.” However, many men’s basic understanding of teamwork is more like “I’ll do this over here and you do that over there, you know, divide and conquer, like a team!” For our purposes here we’ll call his definition “team out” to separate it from her definition of “team up”. These significant differences of what it means to “work as a team” are all well and good as long as each of you is clearly communicating what your specific needs, wants, and expectations are in any given situation.

Figure out your “Code Words” for Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light and start practicing them now. “Code Words? Uh, what are you talking about?” I’m talking about you and Mama figuring out some low-key Code Words to use in front of other people to subtly help you both get on the same page about when things are good (green light), when they start to need to wrap up soon (yellow light), and when they need to be shut down as soon as possible (red light). Your now-very-pregnant partner will likely at times have extremely limited energy for small talk with neighbors, chats with total strangers about her giant belly, and/or interest in staying at a friend’s dinner party much past 8pm. A great way to for you to continue to move into the Dad Zone, better connect to Mama during these last weeks of pregnancy, and better prepare for the post-baby chaos and influx of visitors into your home is to develop your own set of Code Words to use with each other when checking in on her fluctuating energy levels and interests.